I stepped out of my life for a moment this afternoon, and what I saw was not pleasant. At least for my ego. I know, I know, I’ve been on a quasi zen-Buddhist-Jedi mission to kill off my ego for some time now, actually since my thirties when I had that wierd dream about offing little egos disguised as babies. Egos are REALLY tough to snuff out unless you’re, like, dead already and the Universe has revealed its secrets and the ego is waving goodbye, a superflous appendage, now, as you drift happily into that white light. I’m not there yet.  Sometimes  I just cringe when I look in a mirror. I buy clothes with the sole purpose of soothing my battered and bruised aging ego. And this afternoon I took a big hit when I realized that my cat, Zoe, was entertaining herself sinking her teeth, delicately but meaningfully, into my arm and my reaction was to continue reading and gently elbow her away: over, and over, and over again. In lieu of tossing her off the couch as any self respecting person would do.

That’s when I stepped out of my life. And reviewed.

Do you have animals? Who doesn’t? I’m not talking about livestock breeders or 4Hers. You all know you’re going to wake up one morning and arrange some perfectly awful death for the animals you’ve poured time, money and vet care into. You know this the day you buy them, young, beautiful and without a care in the world. When it comes to attitudes towards animals, you’re on a different planet altogether, although not necessarily a pleasant one. No, I’m talking about PETS. People who have pets, I have about decided, get their egos mangled every day they wake up, what with the cat crapping in the tub because his litter box was insufficiently sifted for deposits, or the Labrador mauling the $800.00 Manolos ( thrift store, but still, ) or the parrot screaming some inane thing designed to drill into your sleeping brain like bulletins from a distant galaxy.

Times like this I look almost favorably upon people who refuse to put up with pet shit…literally and figuratively. Most of the time I feel like people who don’t want pets around are just clueless about anything in the natural world except their own precious selves. But there are other times I think they just have more self respect than I do.

As usual, when I have a low-down just-plant-me-now sort of day, Franny, my weirdly telepathic Wiener alter-ego (and yes, I have one of those, too, my brain’s crowded with friggin’ little survivalists)…Franny delivers a reality check straight to my heart.

‘Don’t be such a weenie’, she barks. (Frannie Loves Wiener puns.). I sigh. Here it comes, sans sympathy. ‘ What are you bitching about, anyway?’ (As HBIC, Franny loves that word, and thus, another pun. She’s actually smiling, she thinks she’s so smart). ‘You have opposable thumbs! You can open canned Franny Food! You don’t need to wait for some asshole sitting on his duff watching flies land to open a door before you take a pee!’ ( Oh well, I’m thinking, half the time you don’t either, but she’s on a Wiener Woes rant so it goes right over her head.)

‘ You eat what you want when you want.’ ( I share! I protest. I’m starting to feel small and worthless, a whiner…as intended.)

‘You get to put the windows up and down on car rides! You go out the gate…just whenever! You eat the whole hot dog!’. ( Metaphysical Wiener complaint???). ‘You have a whole houseful of stuff you can chew, or piss or sleep on…you stare at things that don’t move, smell, or squeak in interesting ways, and you like it!’ ( I believe she’s alluding to to what is an invisible world to them…like reading, computers, television, phone calls. Well, I never thought of how that might seem to the Wieners…maybe they feel a little left out? Sort of like humans looking up at the Olympus Gods and going, whatthefuck do they know that I don’t? Assholes. Oh let’s face it, we worship and hate our gods at the same time. Maybe the Wieners do, too.)

I notice Franny has laid down, although she’s still eyeing me. Barely. Bored already. I feel chastised…ashamed…guilty…needing redemption…and my ego has taken another hit.

Trackin’ this much closer to Nirvana, yeah. Franny’s job is done.




7 thoughts on “DOG DAY AFTERNOON

  1. Pingback: Jedi Cat | FunPhotoLolzFunPhotoLolz

  2. Thanks for stopping by our blog! I have a 14 year old deaf, blind, not-quite-knee-high sheltie-looking mutt named Rally who runs into things and thinks she’s my mother and has been the only stable thing in my life for the last 7 years. She pokes me in the leg to let her out and stands with her back to the door barking to come in. She has never had a mean bone in her body. I don’t know how I would have made it this far without her and I can only wish that everyone had such a companion.
    OK, so you might be a runner up for best companion, LOL!

    • Don’t you love them? And get this….Fritz is so old and screwed up that I thought for the last few months he was on his last legs. So I started making sure he lay next to me on the couch in the morning when I watched the news…had to move over 5 others and a cat… I started carrying him to the meadow areas to eat grass, lay in the sun..and made sure generally that whatever I do with the other dogs,meh has to come along, too. Well, he’s gotten better! Seeks out company and doesn’t sleep so much, he’s even lost some excess weight. Interspecies give and get…it’s mutually beneficial.

  3. Boy, that Franny gives some tough love.

    When I look for examples of people who have succeeded in depowering their egos (if not killing them entirely), I see people who offer compassion to others and themselves. Like the Dalai Lama.

    Maybe if the kitties, birds, and doxies are too rough when you’re feeling fragile it’s time to add a golden retriever to the mix. 🙂

  4. Goldies are great, and Franny is reviewing your comment with something of the old stink eye. But my Phoebe, the long hair queen, is super sweet and sensitive, and more than makes up for Franny’s no- nonsense attitude. Poor Franny, just a dog, but cast as my alter ego and since shes spoiled and thinks she owns me, she’s a good fit for the projection lol!

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